Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
