im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
