I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
