last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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