The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
