My brain says no but my pants say off.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hippo gnu deer
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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