Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
