why didn't you poke me back
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
