Your face is a jimmy john
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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