Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
