They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
