It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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