thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
