You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize