He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
