I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
