Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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