I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
NoShamevember. You game?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
