Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
