Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
