I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
