He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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