girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
