Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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