This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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