: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
