He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I had to cum in my sink.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
