Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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