I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
