My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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