he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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