Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
