Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
