The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
