my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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