Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
