i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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