True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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