i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
