Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
