none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
