he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
