I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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