I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
