There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
