those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize