I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
