I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
