everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
