Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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