No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
