Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
