its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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