farters have to be the big spoon...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have feelings that need drinking.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
