Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
