I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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