I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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