I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
