4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
