my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize