if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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