I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
