After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
