You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
