Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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