Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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