Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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