guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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