its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
