we're chasing vodka with high fives
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
