yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
