"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
