Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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