I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
